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Seven Pirates H Review

Seven Pirates H

Writer’s Note: Seven Pirates H comes bundled with in-game access to content that was DLC in its original PSVita release. This review was performed with the DLC turned off as the game warns that the DLC can drastically impact the difficulty of the game. As such, boobs CAN go beyond I-cup with the Booby Training Limit Break DLC.

Seven Pirates H is evidence that Nintendo is willing to go the extra mile to pick up the slack for niche “ecchi” games from Japan. Though that’s hardly a surprise if you’ve picked up games like Senran Kagura Reflexions.

Although all pretense is thrown out the window and fanservice is back on the menu! This game’s mascot is an otter with a bra for an eyepatch and your crew is made up entirely of cute monster girls (with the exception of one human)Get ready to set sail and improve your party with the magic of “booby training” (a very official and technical term).

Seven Pirates H
Developer: Felistella
Publishers: Compile Heart, EastAsiaSoft
Platforms: Nintendo Switch (Reviewed)
Release Date: May 12, 2022
Players: 1
Price: $39.99 USD

Seven Pirates H

How did the saying go again? “Sega does what Nintendon’t”? how about “Nintendo does what Sony won’t“? or something equally catchy, you guys come up with something in the comments for me. Because that’s what happened here, the game leans in heavily to the fanservice with CG scenes from the artist Motor.

Seven Pirates H is the fourth entry in the Genkai Tokki series after Monster Monpiece, Moero Chronicleand Moero Crystal. What do all these series have in common? All of them had to either be released worldwide on a non-Sony platform, or be rereleased with less censorship on a non-Sony platform.

Seven Pirates H continues the trend after originally releasing in Japan only back in 2016 on the PlayStation Vita. The game is now available on the Nintendo Switch and for the first time to an international audience.

Seven Pirates H

To get the biggest thing out of the way first: what is “Booby Training”? Well thanks to the magical and perverted sea otter that joins your crew, your party levels up by using a special lotion called “H Extract” which allows you to customize your party’s boobs. Increasing their size and softness will raise HP and Defense and vice versa. You can tighten their cleavage, enhance their perkiness, and all the while change the stat priority as your girls level up.

There’s literally a ten page tutorial on how to train your party’s boobs. The tutorial outlines not only what aspects of their boobs impact their stats but also what controls are used to achieve the desired effects. Each change has both a touch control and a button control, so don’t fret if you’ve got big fingers and don’t want to miss any of the real action.

Speaking of action, the combat is… well it’s disappointing. I mean what do you expect from a dungeon crawl H game? At least some of the special moves are nice to look at and the monster designs are funny.

Seven Pirates H

Combat and Booby Training are inseparable however, you need to grind to train boobs and you need to train boobs to raise stats. Now I won’t judge anyone’s aesthetic preferences, but those who like them big can rejoice, tankiness is drastically more powerful than attack.

Basic attacks are virtually worthless, and just a method to raise your MP to perform special attacks. Early on your basic attacks will hit for about 3-8 damage. Meanwhile a 35 MP cost skill will do as much as 75 on a crit. It’s much easier to become tanky and just live long enough to spam special attacks than it is to try and be a glass cannon.

It’s also my personal preference to increase the bustiness of the crew. If I can weeb out for a moment, flat chests in provocative clothing just clash for me. They’re better with something cute, frilly, and ultimately covering; but all the girls in Seven Pirates H are either wearing bikinis or some kind of corset.

Seven Pirates H

The game also has a rudimentary Rock-Paper-Scissors formula where characters have “Pheromone” colors. Luckily these are easy to remember, just remember Pokemon; Red (Fire) beats Green (Grass) which beats Blue (Water) which beats Red. But these honestly aren’t worth worrying about too much as long as you have one of each character on your team.

Every character has access to colorless support abilities ranging from heals to buffs/debuffs. So even if you’re facing a Red boss, your Blue crewmate can use their turn to use a support ability or charge the “Otton Cannon”. The Otton Cannon is a minigame where characters can spend their turn bouncing their boobs to charge up Otton the perverted otter for a massive attack. Some enemies can only be defeated with this attack.

Seven Pirates H

Graphics are unimpressive, it’s a game from 2016 after all. But at least it manages to run smoothly despite looking better than Rune Factory 5 (I am still angry about how poorly that game runs). Of course you’re thankfully not going to be looking at the backgrounds much because the camera angles… oh wow the camera angles. There’s going to be so much T&A in your face you’ll forget if you’re in a cave or on a beach.

Special attacks have nondescript particle effects for the most part. The exceptions are the Arousal abilities which require 200 MP and are meant to be a big payoff for saving it. Arousal abilities range from serious swordplay to throwing a comically large boulder and smacking someone to death with it.

Enemies have cute and… sometimes unsettling models. Here’s a picture of a banana lady and I refuse to elaborate further.

Seven Pirates H

Ultimately, Seven Pirates H does what it promises. It’s an adventure game with unironic boob mechanics required to progress. If that’s your thing? Then rejoice that it’s finally come to the west. If that’s not your thing… this game probably won’t change your mind.

At the risk of projecting my own prejudices about this sort of game, it seems apparent to me that gameplay and strategy came second to fanservice, and that’s perfectly fine. You just have to embrace it like they did in this game.

Our Seven Pirates H review was done on the Nintendo Switch using a copy provided by eastasiasoft. You can find additional information about Niche Gamer’s review/ethics policy here. Seven Pirates H is now available for the Nintendo Switch.

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The Verdict: 7

The Good

  • Unapologetic fanservice
  • You have to use your crew's boobs to open loot eggs
  • Cute voice acting
  • A variety of characters
  • Customizable boobs

The Bad

  • Bland environments
  • Straightforward strategy
  • Grindy
  • The boobs only go up to I cup (in the base game)
  • I'm putting it here twice, the boobs only go up to I cup

About

A basement-dwelling ogre, Brandon's a fan of indie games and slice of life anime. Has too many games and not enough time.