Sega Alters Persona 5’s Localization With New Publishing Deal (APRIL FOOLS)

persona5aprilfools-4-1-2016-1

As recently stated in a previous article, in Sega’s acquisition of Index Holdings (and by proxy, Atlus), publishing of Atlus’ flagship titles is now handled by Sega. In an official statement by Sega themselves, the following was explained: “This change is to simplify business accounts, and affects the companies in name only – both Atlus U.S.A. and SEGA of America will still act autonomously, and no games or products will be adversely affected by the publisher unification.”

Unfortunately for the consumer at large, an insider source has revealed this to be false. According to our verified informant, Sega has plans to make Atlus’ upcoming title, Persona 5, more, “inclusive and accessible,” to the average gamer. They have cited social justice concerns as their prime reason for making these changes, claiming that Nintendo of America should be commended for their work on Fire Emblem: Fates.

The amendments to the original Japanese game are as follows:

  • Abundantly less gendered language, as well as inclusion of non-binary, polysexual, and otherkin characters.
  • Plentiful memes.
  • Reasonably, the Tower persona Mara has been censored for looking too much like a penis.
  • In-game combat has been removed, replaced by interactive cutscenes. Failing the QTEs is impossible.
  • Largely, the Social Link system has been reworked, as focus group testing on Tumblr revealed it to be deeply triggering to asexual and aromantic individuals.
  • Further memes.
  • Overhaul of the series’ title from, “Persona,” to, “Fursona.”
  • Occasionally, an NPC will appear and give you reminders to check your privilege.
  • Liters of Mountain Dew purchased will have codes to unlock in-game bonuses.
  • Shortly after release, DLC containing randomized hats for the player characters will be made available. This DLC is locked to your unique game key, so if you want a different set of hats, you can simply purchase the game again.

Surely these changes will bring about divisive opinions, but we here at Niche Gamer will remain ever-vigilant. We hope that Sega will reconsider their wicked ways, and bring back Ristar while they’re at it.

Cody Long

About

I draw weenies for a living. Also, I write reviews and articles sometimes!

  • IkaNam

    Just a prank bro

  • Dewey Defeats Truman

    Legit if they brought back Ristar I’d be there day one.

  • Smug

    SEGAY

  • Psyramics

    Fuckin’ a, today gives my bullshit detector a work out.

  • SiliconNooB

    The sad thing is that this is what SMT X Fire Emblem will actually be!

  • ReaperX30

    Nice one but it’s pretty obvious it’s a joke. To do something like this Sega would’ve had to live under a rock for the last few years to not see all the debates about localization.

  • Petr Kolář

    *faints*

  • Captain Vidya

    Seems legit.

  • Snea Zel

    Worst part is.. This would be a legit believable article with a bit of terminology changed.

  • Cody Long

    There’s a secret message encoded in the first letter of all the bulleted points. It should shed some light on this dire circumstance.

  • Dammage

    API ilfo OLS? I don’t get it…

  • ρяøxч

    (ಠ_ಠ)

  • Master Bating

    For the love of God please stop this

  • Offendatron_5000

    Jimmies rustled.

  • Mr0303

    Today is the 1st of April, not Halloween – don’t scare us like that.

  • Rafael Mario Sanchez

    Ahem… April Fools, Niche Gamer.

  • Alistair

    Who says this some kind of joke Muwahhahaha.

    There that term inclusive again what do you get if you put inclusive & the words social justice & censored in the thread what would you Get?

    But my gut feeling it another prank you better be careful it’s 15:38pm here all jokes must stop at 12 noon.

  • JoeSislack

    If you really wanted to fool me you should have said Persona 5 would have dual audio.

  • Azure

    Like good try but I think you used the wrong IP to make an April fools joke out of it. Should’ve done like Pokemon.

  • MGNoxa

    Holy shit, you guys had me. Now I’m scared this is actually going to happen.

  • deadeye

    I think you went just a tad overboard.

    It could’ve been something neat because of the news of Sega taking over publishing duties.

    Got a chuckle out of me though.

  • Alistair

    Ahhhh I solve the secret message it’s April Fools.

    Bullet points Start with A P R & continue down.

  • Stilzkin

    [GONE SEXUAL]

  • Obbliglol

    Kek, I was terrified for about 3 seconds and then realized.

  • Davorbasic

    Thank god its April 1st

  • Heavily Augmented

    When you wanted the worst girl back, that made me realize that this was a joke

  • Alistair

    Speaking of pranks I remember this one shown in 1989 on BBC. ?

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R4fBrZj1uXM

  • Tarrasque

    …and then I remembered its April 1st. Good one guys.

  • Amerilard

    PC port

  • RincewindtheMad

    Shame you didnt do the
    AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA joke

  • Kiryu

    This would not be an April’s fool if this were a Nintendo title.

  • Eugenio Gil de la Madrid

    Haha April Fools! :D
    Though you nearly got me at first with the first paragraph but once I got to the list and remembered what day it was I chuckled

  • Cy

    Oh fuck you I forgot what day it is, lol.

  • Pepperkeet

    *checks privilege*
    Yep, I still got it!

  • Gamingfan

    You know what’s not an april fools joke? The ps4.5. I think I’ll buy this game for the ps4, finish it and then sell the pos. If you can atlus and sega, release it for the nx and I’ll actually keep it.

  • Kiryu

    I also was like wtf at first and then i read more inclusive and i thought;i swear if i hear that word again i go berserk with my laptop on the streets then i remembered it’s 1.April.

  • AmyStarling

    But Nintendo is doing the exact same time with the nx shit.They are ditching theyre wiiu fanbase in such a small period of time.Actually is worse since they drop support for their older console soon after.

  • Gamingfan

    Nintendo doesn’t have a choice. The wii u sold like shit and we’re 4 years in. That’s the difference.

  • Feniks

    Nintendo is taking notes :)

  • AnarKreig

    I felt myself go pale and the world pause after I read the first sentence. I figured you couldn’t possibly pull of two aprils fools in one day. You bastards.

  • KefkaFollower

    I almost ask about that.

  • Chocolate ISISCream

    It literally says April Fools dude. tbqh I’m smfh at you senpai

  • Very nicely done, i loled… even though it could become reality XD

  • Cody Long

    I said Ristar, not Rise. Huehuehue

  • ahhhaahhh

    Please don’t release Persona 5 on pc
    Please censor Persona 5
    Please release Persona 5 with no Japanese voice option

  • magicalfollower

    I’d love to have a new Ristar…

  • Nagato

    The joke is that Atlus USA would be more likely to insert such agendas into the game themselves, whereas Sega America gloriously doesn’t give a fuck going by the Sonic Twitter.

  • Etherblaze

    Fucking scared the shit out of me for a moment.

  • TRUndercover

    Very well played….

  • Karo

    Did you guys just spend the entire week making fake articles to post today? I’m impressed.

  • How about you go fucking kill yourselves.

  • GlacialSolace

    It’s at times like these that I am reminded of why I love Niche Gamer. Lel

  • erobotan

    I’m read this until Overhaul of the series’ title from, “Persona,” to, “Fursona.” section then I really sure this is April Fools article.

  • tccboss

    You fuckers I was wondering if you were going to do an april fools joke this year and I guess I was right.

  • スカサハ

    My life flashed before my eyes!

  • grgspunk

    I hate April Fools.

  • Didney Worl
  • Guin

    Hah, didn’t work on me.

  • EclipseOperator

    Holy shit, I almost had a heart attack.
    Then I saw the changes.

    Never change, Nichegamer

  • vayanui8

    Thank God it’s April fools

  • ASA-KIRI

    I was about to have a heart attack until I saw this.

  • scemar

    SCREW YOU SEGA
    I AM NEVER BUYING ANOTHER GAMEGEAR AND DREAMCAST GAME EVER AGAIN

    THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I BUY ONE OF YOUR SYSTEMS

  • scemar

    The most based of gaming media accounts.

  • Black Kitty

    It’s just a prank, bro!

  • Mighty No. 56008

    Holy crap you almost had me! Well done.

  • No_Good_Names_Ever

    Super dark there, Cody.
    Really really fucked up until the list.

  • Deadmoonking

    I gotta admit, you got me at first.

  • Jack

    ur a cheeky 1 i’ll give you that m8

  • Darkrulershadowlord007

    I was loosing my shit, until I realized what today was, good one guys.

  • Truck

    You think you’re so clever, don’t you Cody?

  • Uncle Slick

    Holy crap. For a second, I thought this was serious.

    Good job.

  • Tyrannikos

    tbqh i’m smh fam-senpai

  • DDD-kun

    >Joke
    >Your face when Sega decides to turn it into a reality

  • Sylveria Shini

    Don’t give them ideas you idiot!

  • LaunchShipCaptain

    oh god, I made it halfway through this article panicking before I remembered the date…I need some sleep

  • Uncle Ocelot

    YOU ALMOST GOT ME YOU BASTARDS

  • scemar

    DEESU!

  • >Abundantly less gendered language, as well as inclusion of non-binary, polysexual, and otherkin characters.

    At first I was gonna get pissed but then I kept reading and learned that it’s April Fool’s Day.

  • CRES

    FOOLED YOU!

  • TheCynicalReaper

    Secret message?
    …OH SON OF A BITCH

  • Thanatos2k

    Heh heh heh.

  • Zero Kurapika

    Man, this might happen any day now…

  • Brandon Wolfley

    Dang it, got me again! Nichegamer is clearly trying to send this April Fool to an early grave.

  • ArcKazuki

    Want to know a real joke? There are probably people out there that genuinely want these changes.

  • DariusQ

    You got me! If you hadn’t been so over the top with the list of changes (on purpose, I’m sure) then I would have totally bought this BS.

  • rergerger

    With any luck Ibunroku will be the last Atlus game ruined by Treehouse and SMTIV gets a better chance.

  • Raiden

    Don’t scare me like that!

  • Tonton Ramos

    If E3 2016 announced PS4K and Xbox One point Five are real while NX is just WiiU 2.0 Then I’ll be laughing like hell! It’s the age of rereleased consoles facepalm!

    Seriously they will announce the slim versions of PS4 and Xbox One lol

  • KasamatsusBall

    Ristar would be great as a 3D platformer.