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Sega Alters Persona 5’s Localization With New Publishing Deal (APRIL FOOLS)

persona5aprilfools-4-1-2016-1

As recently stated in a previous article, in Sega’s acquisition of Index Holdings (and by proxy, Atlus), publishing of Atlus’ flagship titles is now handled by Sega. In an official statement by Sega themselves, the following was explained: “This change is to simplify business accounts, and affects the companies in name only – both Atlus U.S.A. and SEGA of America will still act autonomously, and no games or products will be adversely affected by the publisher unification.”

Unfortunately for the consumer at large, an insider source has revealed this to be false. According to our verified informant, Sega has plans to make Atlus’ upcoming title, Persona 5, more, “inclusive and accessible,” to the average gamer. They have cited social justice concerns as their prime reason for making these changes, claiming that Nintendo of America should be commended for their work on Fire Emblem: Fates.

The amendments to the original Japanese game are as follows:

  • Abundantly less gendered language, as well as inclusion of non-binary, polysexual, and otherkin characters.
  • Plentiful memes.
  • Reasonably, the Tower persona Mara has been censored for looking too much like a penis.
  • In-game combat has been removed, replaced by interactive cutscenes. Failing the QTEs is impossible.
  • Largely, the Social Link system has been reworked, as focus group testing on Tumblr revealed it to be deeply triggering to asexual and aromantic individuals.
  • Further memes.
  • Overhaul of the series’ title from, “Persona,” to, “Fursona.”
  • Occasionally, an NPC will appear and give you reminders to check your privilege.
  • Liters of Mountain Dew purchased will have codes to unlock in-game bonuses.
  • Shortly after release, DLC containing randomized hats for the player characters will be made available. This DLC is locked to your unique game key, so if you want a different set of hats, you can simply purchase the game again.

Surely these changes will bring about divisive opinions, but we here at Niche Gamer will remain ever-vigilant. We hope that Sega will reconsider their wicked ways, and bring back Ristar while they’re at it.

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89 comments
  1. IkaNam
    IkaNam
    April 1, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Just a prank bro

  2. Dewey Defeats Truman
    Dewey Defeats Truman
    April 1, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Legit if they brought back Ristar I’d be there day one.

  3. Smug
    Smug
    April 1, 2016 at 10:20 am

    SEGAY

  4. Psyramics
    Psyramics
    April 1, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Fuckin’ a, today gives my bullshit detector a work out.

  5. SiliconNooB
    SiliconNooB
    April 1, 2016 at 10:23 am

    The sad thing is that this is what SMT X Fire Emblem will actually be!

  6. ReaperX30
    ReaperX30
    April 1, 2016 at 10:23 am

    Nice one but it’s pretty obvious it’s a joke. To do something like this Sega would’ve had to live under a rock for the last few years to not see all the debates about localization.

  7. Petr Kolář
    Petr Kolář
    April 1, 2016 at 10:24 am

    *faints*

  8. Captain Vidya
    Captain Vidya
    April 1, 2016 at 10:24 am

    Seems legit.

  9. Snea Zel
    Snea Zel
    April 1, 2016 at 10:24 am

    Worst part is.. This would be a legit believable article with a bit of terminology changed.

  10. Cody Long
    Cody Long
    April 1, 2016 at 10:25 am

    There’s a secret message encoded in the first letter of all the bulleted points. It should shed some light on this dire circumstance.

  11. Dammage
    Dammage
    April 1, 2016 at 10:27 am

    API ilfo OLS? I don’t get it…

  12. ρяøxч
    ρяøxч
    April 1, 2016 at 10:30 am

    (ಠ_ಠ)

  13. Master Bating
    Master Bating
    April 1, 2016 at 10:31 am

    For the love of God please stop this

  14. Offendatron_5000
    Offendatron_5000
    April 1, 2016 at 10:32 am

    Jimmies rustled.

  15. Mr0303
    Mr0303
    April 1, 2016 at 10:33 am

    Today is the 1st of April, not Halloween – don’t scare us like that.

  16. Rafael Mario Sanchez
    Rafael Mario Sanchez
    April 1, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Ahem… April Fools, Niche Gamer.

  17. Alistair
    Alistair
    April 1, 2016 at 10:39 am

    Who says this some kind of joke Muwahhahaha.

    There that term inclusive again what do you get if you put inclusive & the words social justice & censored in the thread what would you Get?

    But my gut feeling it another prank you better be careful it’s 15:38pm here all jokes must stop at 12 noon.

  18. JoeSislack
    JoeSislack
    April 1, 2016 at 10:42 am

    If you really wanted to fool me you should have said Persona 5 would have dual audio.

  19. Azure
    Azure
    April 1, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Like good try but I think you used the wrong IP to make an April fools joke out of it. Should’ve done like Pokemon.

  20. MGNoxa
    MGNoxa
    April 1, 2016 at 10:47 am

    Holy shit, you guys had me. Now I’m scared this is actually going to happen.

  21. deadeye
    deadeye
    April 1, 2016 at 10:48 am

    I think you went just a tad overboard.

    It could’ve been something neat because of the news of Sega taking over publishing duties.

    Got a chuckle out of me though.

  22. Alistair
    Alistair
    April 1, 2016 at 10:49 am

    Ahhhh I solve the secret message it’s April Fools.

    Bullet points Start with A P R & continue down.

  23. Stilzkin
    Stilzkin
    April 1, 2016 at 10:56 am

    [GONE SEXUAL]

  24. Obbliglol
    Obbliglol
    April 1, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Kek, I was terrified for about 3 seconds and then realized.

  25. Davorbasic
    Davorbasic
    April 1, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Thank god its April 1st

  26. Heavily Augmented
    Heavily Augmented
    April 1, 2016 at 10:59 am

    When you wanted the worst girl back, that made me realize that this was a joke

  27. Tarrasque
    Tarrasque
    April 1, 2016 at 11:00 am

    …and then I remembered its April 1st. Good one guys.

  28. Amerilard
    Amerilard
    April 1, 2016 at 11:04 am

    PC port

  29. RincewindtheMad
    RincewindtheMad
    April 1, 2016 at 11:06 am

    Shame you didnt do the
    AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA joke

  30. Kiryu
    Kiryu
    April 1, 2016 at 11:17 am

    This would not be an April’s fool if this were a Nintendo title.

  31. Eugenio Gil de la Madrid
    Eugenio Gil de la Madrid
    April 1, 2016 at 11:35 am

    Haha April Fools! :D
    Though you nearly got me at first with the first paragraph but once I got to the list and remembered what day it was I chuckled

  32. Cy
    Cy
    April 1, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Oh fuck you I forgot what day it is, lol.

  33. Pepperkeet
    Pepperkeet
    April 1, 2016 at 11:42 am

    *checks privilege*
    Yep, I still got it!

  34. Gamingfan
    Gamingfan
    April 1, 2016 at 11:42 am

    You know what’s not an april fools joke? The ps4.5. I think I’ll buy this game for the ps4, finish it and then sell the pos. If you can atlus and sega, release it for the nx and I’ll actually keep it.

  35. Kiryu
    Kiryu
    April 1, 2016 at 11:49 am

    I also was like wtf at first and then i read more inclusive and i thought;i swear if i hear that word again i go berserk with my laptop on the streets then i remembered it’s 1.April.

  36. AmyStarling
    AmyStarling
    April 1, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    But Nintendo is doing the exact same time with the nx shit.They are ditching theyre wiiu fanbase in such a small period of time.Actually is worse since they drop support for their older console soon after.

  37. Gamingfan
    Gamingfan
    April 1, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Nintendo doesn’t have a choice. The wii u sold like shit and we’re 4 years in. That’s the difference.

  38. Feniks
    Feniks
    April 1, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    Nintendo is taking notes :)

  39. AnarKreig
    AnarKreig
    April 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    I felt myself go pale and the world pause after I read the first sentence. I figured you couldn’t possibly pull of two aprils fools in one day. You bastards.

  40. KefkaFollower
    KefkaFollower
    April 1, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    I almost ask about that.

  41. Chocolate ISISCream
    Chocolate ISISCream
    April 1, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    It literally says April Fools dude. tbqh I’m smfh at you senpai

  42. Akuma
    Akuma
    April 1, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    Very nicely done, i loled… even though it could become reality XD

  43. Cody Long
    Cody Long
    April 1, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    I said Ristar, not Rise. Huehuehue

  44. ahhhaahhh
    ahhhaahhh
    April 1, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    Please don’t release Persona 5 on pc
    Please censor Persona 5
    Please release Persona 5 with no Japanese voice option

  45. magicalfollower
    magicalfollower
    April 1, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    I’d love to have a new Ristar…

  46. Nagato
    Nagato
    April 1, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    The joke is that Atlus USA would be more likely to insert such agendas into the game themselves, whereas Sega America gloriously doesn’t give a fuck going by the Sonic Twitter.

  47. Etherblaze
    Etherblaze
    April 1, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Fucking scared the shit out of me for a moment.

  48. TRUndercover
    TRUndercover
    April 1, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Very well played….

  49. Karo
    Karo
    April 1, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    Did you guys just spend the entire week making fake articles to post today? I’m impressed.

  50. Auragar
    Auragar
    April 1, 2016 at 1:36 pm

    How about you go fucking kill yourselves.

  51. GlacialSolace
    GlacialSolace
    April 1, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    It’s at times like these that I am reminded of why I love Niche Gamer. Lel

  52. erobotan
    erobotan
    April 1, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    I’m read this until Overhaul of the series’ title from, “Persona,” to, “Fursona.” section then I really sure this is April Fools article.

  53. tccboss
    tccboss
    April 1, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    You fuckers I was wondering if you were going to do an april fools joke this year and I guess I was right.

  54. スカサハ
    スカサハ
    April 1, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    My life flashed before my eyes!

  55. grgspunk
    grgspunk
    April 1, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    I hate April Fools.

  56. Guin
    Guin
    April 1, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    Hah, didn’t work on me.

  57. EclipseOperator
    EclipseOperator
    April 1, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    Holy shit, I almost had a heart attack.
    Then I saw the changes.

    Never change, Nichegamer

  58. vayanui8
    vayanui8
    April 1, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Thank God it’s April fools

  59. ASA-KIRI
    ASA-KIRI
    April 1, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    I was about to have a heart attack until I saw this.

  60. scemar
    scemar
    April 1, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    SCREW YOU SEGA
    I AM NEVER BUYING ANOTHER GAMEGEAR AND DREAMCAST GAME EVER AGAIN

    THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME I BUY ONE OF YOUR SYSTEMS

  61. scemar
    scemar
    April 1, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    The most based of gaming media accounts.

  62. Black Kitty
    Black Kitty
    April 1, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    It’s just a prank, bro!

  63. Mighty No. 56008
    Mighty No. 56008
    April 1, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    Holy crap you almost had me! Well done.

  64. No_Good_Names_Ever
    No_Good_Names_Ever
    April 1, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Super dark there, Cody.
    Really really fucked up until the list.

  65. Deadmoonking
    Deadmoonking
    April 1, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    I gotta admit, you got me at first.

  66. Jack
    Jack
    April 1, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    ur a cheeky 1 i’ll give you that m8

  67. Darkrulershadowlord007
    Darkrulershadowlord007
    April 1, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    I was loosing my shit, until I realized what today was, good one guys.

  68. Truck
    Truck
    April 1, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    You think you’re so clever, don’t you Cody?

  69. Uncle Slick
    Uncle Slick
    April 1, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Holy crap. For a second, I thought this was serious.

    Good job.

  70. Tyrannikos
    Tyrannikos
    April 1, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    tbqh i’m smh fam-senpai

  71. DDD-kun
    DDD-kun
    April 1, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    >Joke
    >Your face when Sega decides to turn it into a reality

  72. Sylveria Shini
    Sylveria Shini
    April 1, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Don’t give them ideas you idiot!

  73. LaunchShipCaptain
    LaunchShipCaptain
    April 1, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    oh god, I made it halfway through this article panicking before I remembered the date…I need some sleep

  74. Uncle Ocelot
    Uncle Ocelot
    April 1, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    YOU ALMOST GOT ME YOU BASTARDS

  75. scemar
    scemar
    April 1, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    DEESU!

  76. Nocturnic
    Nocturnic
    April 1, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    >Abundantly less gendered language, as well as inclusion of non-binary, polysexual, and otherkin characters.

    At first I was gonna get pissed but then I kept reading and learned that it’s April Fool’s Day.

  77. CRES
    CRES
    April 1, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    FOOLED YOU!

  78. TheCynicalReaper
    TheCynicalReaper
    April 1, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Secret message?
    …OH SON OF A BITCH

  79. Thanatos2k
    Thanatos2k
    April 2, 2016 at 12:58 am

    Heh heh heh.

  80. Zero Kurapika
    Zero Kurapika
    April 2, 2016 at 4:38 am

    Man, this might happen any day now…

  81. Brandon Wolfley
    Brandon Wolfley
    April 2, 2016 at 8:10 am

    Dang it, got me again! Nichegamer is clearly trying to send this April Fool to an early grave.

  82. ArcKazuki
    ArcKazuki
    April 2, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    Want to know a real joke? There are probably people out there that genuinely want these changes.

  83. DariusQ
    DariusQ
    April 3, 2016 at 10:55 am

    You got me! If you hadn’t been so over the top with the list of changes (on purpose, I’m sure) then I would have totally bought this BS.

  84. rergerger
    rergerger
    April 4, 2016 at 2:27 am

    With any luck Ibunroku will be the last Atlus game ruined by Treehouse and SMTIV gets a better chance.

  85. Raiden
    Raiden
    April 4, 2016 at 1:28 pm

    Don’t scare me like that!

  86. Tonton Ramos
    Tonton Ramos
    April 5, 2016 at 2:15 am

    If E3 2016 announced PS4K and Xbox One point Five are real while NX is just WiiU 2.0 Then I’ll be laughing like hell! It’s the age of rereleased consoles facepalm!

    Seriously they will announce the slim versions of PS4 and Xbox One lol

  87. KasamatsusBall
    KasamatsusBall
    April 13, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Ristar would be great as a 3D platformer.