If you are reading this, you are the resistance. There’s a battle going on for control of our souls, and only by harnessing the power of Alex Jones can we come together and defeat the evil Globalists. We will not eat the bugs. We will not live in the pods. We will not be forcibly turned gay. We will conquer. The patriots will unite and take back our very way of life.
Alex Jones: N.W.O. Wars
Developer: NWO Wars Team
Publisher: NWO Wars Team
Platforms: Microsoft Windows (Reviewed)
Release Date: January 3rd, 2024
Price: $22.20 (Discounted 20% so it’s $17.76)
If you take Alex Jones at face value, you’re being worked. While Alex often says things that get people riled up, people forget that he’s a character who’s always turned up to the highest possible capacity with the end goal of getting people talking.
Does he sometimes make salient points? Well, there’s a saying that on a long enough timeline, Alex Jones is always right, so that’s debatable. Regardless of how you feel about Alex Jones or his brand of “entertainment”, there’s a very real demand for it, and that’s who this game is aimed at.
Fans of The Alex Jones Show are all too familiar with some of the voice lines you’ll find in NWO Wars, such as the infamous “I’ll eat your ass” or the heavily meme-d “They’re turning the freakin’ frogs gay”.
While Alex doesn’t tout a large collection of voice lines throughout the thirty minutes or so that it takes to work your way through NWO Wars, all of the hits are here.
Some of my personal favorites include: “This is as fake as Big Mike being a woman!”, “9-1-1 was an inside job. It was a controlled demolition.”, finally, perhaps for the first time, Alex recorded the often attributed to him “The Elites don’t want you to know this, but the ducks at the park are free. You can just take them home. I have 558 ducks.”
This is how you know that Alex had something to do with the game since the original meme was “458 ducks”. Outside of the memes, the game itself is a pretty generic Metal Slug clone.
You work your way through five different levels all based on different political talking points – the Wuhan lab, San Francisco, Epstein’s Island, the Canadian Trucker Protest, and finally Davos, Switzerland.
Alex comes equipped with a pistol that has unlimited ammo and a knife to quickly dispatch enemies who get too close. You’ll also find M and F power-up blocks that transform your pistol into a machine gun or a flame thrower respectively with around 200 rounds.
Each of the levels sees Alex besting one of his political opponents: Bill Gates, Dr. Fauci, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Brian Stelter (and someone else who I can’t immediately place – though I think it’s Jim Acosta), Justin Trudeau, Chuck Schumer, and finally ending with Klaus Schwab.
Along the way, there are some fun little cameos, such as Joe Rogan as a centaur who you can jump on and ride through a small section, “Your Favorite President” shows up and starts killing stuff with his laser eyes, which I think makes The Boys‘ Homelander/Trump connection somehow canon for real life.
There’s also “Preppy News Guy” which is Tucker Carlson delivering some commentary while throwing his bow tie at people. There are lots of good little easter eggs here for people who are familiar with this level of political theater.
As a game, NWO Wars is incredibly easy with only the final level being even remotely challenging, so it’s pretty simple to blow through. There’s no way the game is worth the $17.76 price tag though.
It’s pricey because not only are there only five levels, but there aren’t any achievements or even an actual ending aside from Alex saying that they stopped the globalists before riding out on an attack chopper the same way he came in.
But let’s be honest – you’re essentially buying Sh*tpost: The Video Game – and I’ve wasted $20 on far worse than NWO Wars, so I ain’t too mad at it. I got a solid 30 minutes of entertainment out of shooting overly exaggerated stereotypes, and that’s exactly what I was expecting. NWO Wars rules.
Alex Jones: N.W.O. Wars was reviewed on Microsoft Windows using a game code provided by the NWO Wars Team (but we bought it three more times just to piss off Kotaku). You can find additional information about Niche Gamer’s review/ethics policy here. Alex Jones: N.W.O. Wars is available on Microsoft Windows (via Steam).