Someone has Made a Gabe Newell Simulator


Simulators that simply recreate a city or a functioning society are old news.

Out of this new breed of simulators, we’ve covered goat simulator, cat simulator, grass simulatorrock simulatorfarming simulatorbear simulator, cow simulatorcow-girl farmer simulator, and even a mountain simulator.

Now, someone has made a Gabe Newell simulator.

You know, as in the Gabe Newell from Valve Corporation. The game is going to launch on Steam Early Access today, and it already has a trailer, which you can view above.

Here are the game’s key features:

  • Millions of easter eggs! There are already several easter eggs in the game and finished early access there will be many more
  • You can watch for hours the face of Gabe
  • You can release Half Life 3
  • You can eliminate forever Half Life 3

Fans can expect to live out their most glorious PC master race dreams in the boots of Gabe Newell, while fighting other companies, or facing the ultimate decision: releasing Half-Life 3, or just scrapping it. You can also explore Valve Corporation itself, with rooms based off real-life rooms in the company’s headquarters.

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Brandon Orselli


Owner and Publisher at Niche Gamer and Nicchiban. Outlaw fighting for a better game industry. Pronouns: Patriarch, Guido, Olive.

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  1. Kaleido-Ruby
    October 13, 2015 at 10:52 am

    Guess that’ll be the next lol moment on Twitch when it unlocks in two hours.

  2. Paige
    October 13, 2015 at 10:54 am


  3. Breezer
    October 13, 2015 at 11:05 am

    You know this game is going to be pure distilled shit when it advertises Easter eggs before God damn game play

    But you know this is just made to appeal to epic reddit meme master supreme so who the fuck cares.

  4. DrWawee
    October 13, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Shouldn’t this game involve eating Doritos and watching dat steam money role in while not making Half Life 3?

  5. Brandon Orselli
    Brandon Orselli
    October 13, 2015 at 11:10 am

    I’m here with you. I think these kinds of games are just… meh. They’re made to hopefully get the attention of popular streamers, you know?

  6. Misogynerd
    October 13, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Ah yes, the PewDieBaits like TotalBiscuit calls them. At least besides Goat Simulator they rarely sell well, because they are better for people to watch than to actually play.

  7. Mr0303
    October 13, 2015 at 11:12 am

    Is it just Gabe counting to two until the end of time?

  8. Offendatron_5000
    October 13, 2015 at 11:15 am

    If it doesn’t allow you to count the number of zeroes in his bank account after starting Steam, this is pointless. Maybe even some Scrooge McDuck-like swimming in cash levels .

  9. Misogynerd
    October 13, 2015 at 11:31 am

    I don’t understand the infatuation of PCMR types with Gabe Newell. Not even Nintendo fans go that crazy. Xbox and Sony are pretty normal. I wouldn’t be surprised if the PCMR crowd makes a fucking annual festival in Gaben’s name when he passes away.

  10. WB1c_Marathon
    October 13, 2015 at 11:48 am

    His body burned on a funeral pyre made of old pc physical copies, set ablaze by overheating nvidya cards. I can see it now.

  11. Breezer
    October 13, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Exactly. I just don’t like ’em for the reason you specified. It’s just trying way too hard to capture that 15 minute streamer fame.

  12. Breezer
    October 13, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    It used to be ironic but clearly people on Reddit didn’t get the god damn memo and it birthed this aborted bucket fetus of a fandom.

  13. sanic
    October 13, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    There’s a gabe rpg as well, this looks more like a shooter than a sim.

  14. Master Bating
    Master Bating
    October 13, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    “Pretty normal”

    Console wars have always been around, only this time with the influx of PC players these retards want to take part in the shitflinging show and vocalize themselves even harder than all the other fanboy scum.

    You still have crazy people worshipping brands and businessman around.

  15. Misogynerd
    October 13, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    Yeah, the Xbox and Playstation fans are indeed more about the consoles than worshiping Phil Spencer. NeoGAF does suck Neil Druckmann’s cock, but I haven’t seen a Major Nelson or Kaz Hirai fanboy.

  16. Misogynerd
    October 13, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    I think that the guys that moved to PC that before were fighting about Fallout 3 having better vegetation in the 360 version than the PS3 version

    are also a huge part of the problem.

  17. Lepito
    October 13, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Looks like shit. What did I expect?

  18. deadeye
    October 13, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    They’re good for a laugh, but as actual games, they’re not very good.

    I feel like they started out as parodies of real simulators like Farm, Truck Driving, Airplane, Train, etc. They were all kinda janky and weird, so the parodies were also janky and weird.

    But now it’s almost used as an excuse. You can make a game play like shit, but slap simulator at the end of it, and people will love it.

  19. Mike Nieto
    Mike Nieto
    October 13, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    This is one of the exclusives why the master race spends thousands building a PC for¿

  20. Dr.wonderful
    October 13, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    >Cow-girl simulator

    Alright, going to track that down.

  21. Zombie_Barioth
    October 14, 2015 at 3:07 am

    At least in the case of Gota Simulator it was only intended as a joke, they weren’t planning to actually make the thing. You can actually blame the community for that one.

    Otherwise, yeah, after that it went from parody to Pewdiepie bait. Goat Simulator kind of kicked off the “simulator” craze due to actually selling well.

  22. Zombie_Barioth
    October 14, 2015 at 3:23 am

    Sort of like the entire PCMR itself, eh?;)

    Both have been used so much it quite being ironic. I guess that theory believing something long enough becomes truth applies to more than just lies.

  23. WeasleX
    October 14, 2015 at 9:16 am

    And it’s an utter fail. Check out Jim Sterlings video on it if you don’t believe me.

  24. Lea Pastillaroja
    Lea Pastillaroja
    October 14, 2015 at 9:43 am

    The butt’s too big, the belly’s too small, the legs look like a female’s legs and Gaven runs like a girl