New 5.0.2 Update for Nintendo Switch Introduces “Husband Points” [APRIL FOOLS]

DISCLAIMER: This was an April Fool’s Day article. Any similarity to real life persons or company’s was only in jest. Please disregard this as any kind of authentic news or information.

Did you buy a Switch for your wife’s son, but ended up playing it way more than he does? Does your wife disapprove? Well, Nintendo seemingly has you covered in their latest firmware update. In version 5.0.2, a new feature called ‘Husband Points’ has been introduced.

Functioning much like pre-existing parental controls on the popular console, the Husband Points system further restricts your daily playtime.

Using the Nintendo Switch Online app on her phone, your wife can reward you with Husband Points whenever she sees fit.

Upon collecting 15 of these points, unlimited play for 24 hours is unlocked, allowing you to game to your heart’s desire.

In focus tests for this new feature, all parties involved seemed relatively happy. One satisfied wife gave this statement:

“Before this new update, I had to threaten to take my hubby’s soy products away before he would do any chores around the house. With Husband Points, he’s been much more helpful! This gives me plenty of quality time with my boyfriend.”

Another test group we were following was equally enthusiastic, with the husband claiming the following:

“Sometimes I get a little jealous of Jamal, even if I respect my wife’s relationship with him and would never want to seperate them. Husband Points have made my life considerably better, though! Sure, I get a little less time on the Switch overall, but when I get all 15 tokens, my wife lets me sleep in bed with her for a whole night! She even buys me tendies for when I’m in my cuck shed.”

The Nintendo smartphone app will be updated simultaneously with another new feature that utilizes your cellular device’s camera.

Redeemable once per week, the user can take an open-mouthed selfie with their smartphone, upload it to their My Nintendo account, netting them one free Husband Point (the app uses face tracking to make sure your mouth has to be open wide enough).

According to Nintendo of America, they’re also working on a sensor that measures your testosterone levels, and rewards you at certain milestones as they diminish.

This new update launches sometime this summer – we’ll keep you guys posted.

Cody Long

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I draw weenies for a living. Also, I write reviews and articles sometimes!